Prep Time: none
Cook Time: 7 and a half hours
Servings: 1


Bird's Trifle Mix
A dash of milk
Various amounts of water
An extra packet of jelly

Recipe by: Jordan David
Recipe ID: 102830


A playful, yet surprisingly challenging little dish. Jordan Bleu's seminal desert is not to be 'trifled with' by amateurs.


In big Sainsbury's, buy a box of Bird's trifle mix. If you have to pay with notes of a large denomination, you can save yourself some embarrassment by paying at the self-service tills.

Step 1: Prepare the jelly. Pour the jelly crystals into a bowl and add ¾ lr of boiling water. Mix thoroughly with your trifle fork (owning more than one is an extravagance) and then add the complimentary yet disgusting sponge fingers. Push them over to the side you do not want to eat (You may have to spend some time at this, as they tend to be defiant and wander back over to the nice side).

Step 2: Cover the bowl top in clingfilm and sit outside to cool. NB. Keep an eye on your jelly in case your neighbours are of a foreign disposition. +5 mins

Step 3: With the jelly making itself, feel free to move onto the custard. Put a little of the milk in the bowl with the custard crystals and mix. Take your one saucepan and boil the rest of the milk until bubbles. Then empty the pan into the custard bowl. Return the pan to the hob so that any milk residue will burn to create little milk biscuits. Then return the custard mix to the pan, and cook. Little orange flakes should bob to the top. Put in a clingfilm bowl and place outside as above. +4 hours

Step 4: Take your original jelly. By now, it will not have set, so throw it away. Repeat steps 1 and 2 but with a shit-tonne less water and an extra pack of jelly. + 3 hours


Step 5: When your custard has set to a sufficiently lumpy and stagnant consistency, spoon onto your second jelly attempt. Now it is time to whisk the cream topping. Read the instructions, and do that. Lather generously across the custard, as this can conceal the multitude of sins committed in previous steps from a birdseye view. By now, you will give zero fucks about how it looks in the end so just toss the little chocolate sticks on top with great abandon and serve.



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